


Now We’re On the Naughty List

by cafephan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Christmas, First Kiss, First Meeting, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafephan/pseuds/cafephan
Summary: Phil meets Dan after a Christmas Eve party, and invites him to stay after his taxi is stuck in the snow.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	Now We’re On the Naughty List

—

His whole life, the elusive Christmas Eve parties have always fascinated him. He’s never experienced one, always having the childlike excitement of Christmas as motivation for an early night. 

But this year he was convinced by some old friends, one of which was celebrating a birthday, so he couldn’t say no.

Around half ten, the lights in the local pub come on, and the sizeable crowd groans in unison. The shutters on the bar come down, and the single security guard begins telling people to make their way out. 

Phil walks out with his friends, laughing and pushing each other, a pleasant buzz from the evening propelling him along and effectively shielding him from the December frost. His friends both peel off in different directions to their houses after an exchange of Merry Christmas and side hugs, and Phil takes a second to sit on the wall outside the bar and respond to his mum’s text of a few hours ago confirming that, yes, he’s still going to start his drive up to his parents’ house first thing in the morning, and no, the snow won’t be an issue; it’s due to stop overnight anyway.

The other pubgoers make their way out in varying levels of sobriety, most of them laughing at something or other and every so often one stopping to throw up in the tall mounds of snow at the side of the road.

Soon enough there’s only Phil and another guy left in front of the now dark pub, even the owners have left for the night.

“You know, I would think it was a bit creepy that you were still here if it wasn’t for the fact I saw you fall over your own feet earlier tonight.” The other guy’s sudden statement startles Phil slightly as he had adjusted to the silence, his ears still thumping a little from the high volume Christmas songs over the course of the evening.

“I could still be a creep and be clumsy at the same time, it happens.” Phil replies, glancing over at the other man, who only laughs softly.

“I’ll trust my judgment on this one, I think you’re okay.”

Phil tosses his phone around in his hands a few times as he tries to figure out how to keep the conversation going. As embarrassing as it is to admit, it’s already the most interesting conversation he’s had tonight, all conversations with his friends consisted of daring him to down various spirits in ever-decreasing timescales.

“So are you-“

He’s cut off by the other man cursing under his breath, and throwing his phone in his pocket, and running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“You okay?”

The other guy sighs. “My fucking taxi driver cancelled. Stuck in the snow, apparently.”

Phil looks at him again, he’s visibly distressed.

“Oh, i’m sorry to hear that.”

The other guy doesn’t seem to hear him, and begins pacing. “Everyone’s always told me, ‘Dan you need to branch out, you need to get a life, you need to get out more’, and look where it’s fucking got me! stranded the next town over and spending Christmas Eve in an empty pub car park.”

“Could you not call another taxi?”

Another sigh. “Not that would drive where I need to go, and not at this short notice. Believe me, I tried to plan for this.”

“How far of a walk is it? I could always walk you home, I guess? It’d sober me up, at least.”

The guy, Dan, apparently, turns to look at him quizzically.

“That might just be the worst line i’ve ever heard.”

Phil just about chokes on air. “It’s not a-“

“I live over an hour away. And no offence, I don’t think either of us would make that.”

“Well no offence either, but why are you at this pub if you live that far away?”

“Because it’s not my local one. Fuck knows I did not want to be surrounded by people I went to school with, drunk and pretending like we were friends and they didn’t make my life hell.”

Phil bites his lip, unsure how to respond.

“And let me save your next question; yes, I came here alone, because yes, I just might be the most pathetic person you’ve ever encountered, and no, I won’t feel bad if you get up and go home, no reason we should both be stuck here.”

Dan’s voice slightly cracks as he speaks, and he rubs his hands over his arms and the thin jacket covering them. Phil barely thinks twice as he gets up and drapes his coat over Dan’s shoulders.

As any sane person would, Dan turns to him with a mixture of confusion and horror, and immediately shrugs the coat off, and it lands on the latest layer of fresh snow.

“Don’t worry, it’s not the coat with inside blades, I save that one for New Year,” Phil jokes. Dan cracks a smile.

“New Year is the worst, so it deserves it.”

“My kind of guy.” Phil smiles, and hands the coat over once more. He’s still slightly surprised when Dan takes it this time, and tucks his arms inside.

“In the least creepy way possible, I’m not leaving you alone, you can wait at mine until the snow dies down.”

Dan contemplates it for a moment, then smiles and nods. They begin walking to Phil’s home, easy chat flowing between them.

It’s half eleven when they eventually arrive, both slightly staggering but for the best part sober. They lightly brush the snow out of each other’s hair once the door closes, and share a laugh as they do so.

“It’s like Christmas and a nerd cave had a one night stand in here,” Dan says as he looks around the living room, and Phil laughs again.

“Genuinely the most flattering description anyone could give.”

“Hence why I said it,” Dan quips, and then he shuffles his feet awkwardly.

“Make yourself comfortable, snow’s supposed to slow down soon.”

Dan smiles and nods, and makes his way over to the sofa. Phil sits beside him, and the silence settles once more.

“So do you normally bring guys home in the middle of snowstorms on Christmas Eve?” Dan asks, resting an arm on the back of the sofa as he looks over at Phil.

“You would be the first,” Phil places his hand over his heart in a sarcastic promise. 

Dan clicks his tongue. “Nice, been a while since I popped a cherry.” The smirk that accompanies it makes Phil’s stomach flip a little.

In an attempt to stop himself from saying something he’ll regret, Phil turns on the tv and puts on an old Christmas special at a low volume, background noise. 

When he sits back down, Dan’s already looking at him with a dreamy smile on his face.

“Question for you,” he says, and Phil nods.

“Go on.”

“What’s your magic number?”

Phil feels the heat rush to his face. “There’s no way I’m answering that.”

“Boo,” Dan elongates the word. “I thought you were fun.”

“Nope. Boring, average, words to that effect.”

“I can immediately see something disproving that,” Dan rolls his eyes playfully.

Phil looks around his living room, but is still none the wiser. Everyone on his block goes all out for Christmas, he’s nothing special in that respect.

Dan simply points upward, to where a sprig of mistletoe is hanging above the sofa, that his brother jokingly placed there last time he visited.

“Mistletoe just screams fun guy, you don’t see that in a boring person’s place.”

“I swear i’ve seen mistletoe in, like, a church before...”

At this, Dan laughs. “Alright, then, maybe it’s the company.”

“To quote you from earlier, that’s the worst line i’ve ever heard.”

Dan bites his lip before bursting into a grin. “Admittedly I haven’t done this much, I tried at least.”

“We love a guy that tries.”

Dan is silent for a moment or two. “How about a guy that tries something else?”

All words have failed Phil by this point, he hasn’t done this much either but he highly doubts he’s misreading the situation. As Dan leans in, Phil’s heart begins to pound. When they finally meet in a light, gentle kiss, Phil wonders if he has control over anything anymore, not just his words.

When they lean back, Dan quickly checks his phone, and turns back with a smile. “Consider that your first Christmas gift, I suppose.”

“I can already guarantee it’s going to be my favourite.” Phil grins, and Dan immediately matches it.

“Mine too,” he replies. “Although, that almost sounds like a challenge.”

—

He’s woken by blinding sunlight, bouncing off of the mound of snow that piled up on the windowsill overnight.

Phil groans and pulls the pillow over his head, and reaches for his phone from the nightstand, pulling it under the duvet on minimum brightness.

His blood runs cold when he sees the time, and the multiple stacked notifications of calls and texts from his family. 

Beside him, Dan is on his own phone, tapping away. When Phil turns to face him, he puts his phone down and taps his fingers against the duvet.

“I won’t bother asking considering I can see most items of clothing from where I’m sat...”

“It’s not that,” Phil gets to his feet. “Just give me five minutes.”

“Take your time,” Dan waves him away, attention turning back to his phone.

Phil scurries back into the living room, swiping miscellaneous items of clothing from the radiator as he goes, and slips them on before taking a deep breath and video calling his mother.

“Where are you?” Kath says as soon as she answers the call, her concerned stare flicking over him. “Are you stuck in the snow? I can send dad and Martyn to get you if you are!”

Careful to keep the camera focused on his face and not his surroundings, Phil puts on his best sympathetic smile. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, mum, i’ll be fine. Just running a bit behind schedule, start without me.”

“Don’t be stupid!” Kath laughs warmly, “Family tradition, we only start on presents when everyone’s here, you know that.” 

Phil’s hit with a pang of guilt. He then finds himself drawn to the mistletoe which still hangs above the sofa, and he can’t fight the smile.

“You can laugh at me all you want, I like our traditions!” Kath continues. “I just like both of my boys with me, and Cornelia and bump too of course.”

“I know, mum.”

“Speaking of, don’t tell your brother but I found the cutest little-“

She stops abruptly, and leans in closer to the camera. Phil looks back at her in confusion until he realises he sat back and revealed he was still at home; and Dan who is walking across the room in little more than his dignity.

Dan stops as soon as Kath stops speaking, and glances over to the phone, and the extremely confused northern woman staring back at him. There’s movement on the other end of the phone.

“Mum has he said if he needs us to go and fetch him yet? Me and Corn want to start on the presents and-“

Martyn’s head pops in from the corner of the screen, and he stops in his tracks as soon as he clocks Dan in the background.

“Oh no fucking way,” Martyn says, a smirk creeping on his lips. “Baby Phil decided to get laid instead of coming home a day early? This is too fucking perfect.”

“Martyn!” Kath gently slaps his arm and he promptly leaves the screen, his voice getting more distant as he complains about his mother having a harder punch than a professional. “So are you going to introduce us?”

By this point, Dan has slipped on a shirt Phil threw him, and nervously sits beside him. He waves and laughs awkwardly.

“Mum, this isn’t what you think.”

Kath shushes him. “Lovely to meet you! I’m Kath, Phil’s mum, will you be joining him to travel here for Christmas? We always have spare turkey!”

Dan lets out a breath Phil didn’t know he was holding. “That’s really kind of you, but I have a hot date with ready made mash and microwave chicken.”

Kath tuts. “Nonsense! Philly will drive you up here with him when he comes later on today, after the snow stops!”

“Mum, he might already have plans!”

“I don’t have plans for a couple of days, actually,” Dan says cheekily, winking.

Kath claps excitedly at the other side of the screen. “I’ll have your dad find out when the snow’s supposed to stop and you can both set off, and tell me everything!! Phil’s never told me anything about any of his boyfriends before!”

Phil practically chokes on the thousands of bullshit excuses that come to mind, but Dan simply rests his head on his hand.

“Really?”

“Mum, we’re not-“

“No! I’ve had to find out the hard way every time! One time when he was sixteen, his dad and I came back early from a weekend break and-“

“Okay mum, signal’s really bad, gotta go, love you!” Phil quickly hits end call, and Dan falls back against the sofa in fits of laughter.

“I would marry your mum in a fucking heartbeat, i’ve not laughed this much in months.”

“Somehow last night makes me question that decision,” Phil mumbles, and Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s neck and kisses him, slow and soft.

“Lighten up, loads of people have awkward experiences with their one night stands.”

“You’re not just a one night stand, though,” Phil sits back against the other end of the sofa, and prods Dan’s chest with his foot. “Apparently you’re now my date to my family Christmas, and we have to pretend we didn’t just meet last night because your taxi driver got stranded!”

“Yeah about that,” Dan grimaces, “I checked earlier and there are even fewer taxi firms open today, with it being Christmas Day, and the ones that are open are currently shut due to the snow.”

“If Santa really was real I’d think this was him cursing us.”

“I wrote the book on the naughty list,” Dan winks, “So you might be onto something there.”

“He saw the things we did and now Christmas is rebelling against us, hence the snow kept coming.”

“He was probably jealous,” Dan replies as he stretches. “Bet he doesn’t get it that good.”

Phil grabs a cushion and promptly throws it at Dan. “Please do not make me talk about Santa’s sex life.”

“You started it,” Dan shrugs and throws the cushion back at him. “But if you don’t want me to go with you, which I completely get, I can walk to a friend’s house, she lives about twenty minutes from here, I can text her.”

Phil eyes him curiously. “You have a friend that lives nearby and yet you chose to come with me?”

Dan lifts up a hand. “Hm, let us compare. Hot guy inviting me back to his, or...” he lifts up his other hand. “Sleeping on my friend’s ten year old sofa with her three and two year olds running downstairs every hour to see if Santa arrived yet.”

“Touché.”

Dan pretends to bow.

Phil prods him in the chest again. “I also never said I didn’t want you to come, I just don’t know if you’re willing for the long drive up North whilst I perform my personal Christmas concert.”

“Not that i’m not dying to hear your interpretation of Michael Buble, but I don’t think we’re going anywhere for a while.”

“It just gives us time to come up with a better origin story of how we met, somehow I don’t think my mum will approve of me picking up a guy who was stranded and then sleeping with him.”

“Twice,” Dan fakes a cough behind his hand.

“Oh yeah be sure to tell her that, she’ll absolutely love that.”

Dan mock salutes.

“So we still have time, how do you want to spend Christmas morning?” Dan asks, resting his leg over Phil’s.

Phil’s gaze flicks over the mistletoe and Dan grins.

“You old romantic, I approve. Maybe a little cliché, but I used it first, so...”

He then pulls Phil up to another kiss, gentle and tender, and slowly Phil lowers him down. As his hand travels up Dan’s bare thigh, he feels Dan smile against his mouth and pull him closer.

“How much would it kill the mood if I said Merry Christmas right now?” Dan teases when the kiss reluctantly breaks.

“I would throw you and your naked ass onto the street,” Phil replies breathlessly, mouth now peppering kisses over Dan’s neck.

“Tempting, but i’ll refrain. I am sorry about getting you in trouble with your mum, though.”

Phil lifts himself up, his arms either side of Dan’s head. “Oh yeah, talk about my actual mother in the middle of this, that’s really keeping the heat.”

Dan only grins devilishly and wraps his hand in Phil’s hair as he pulls his head back down, and takes Phil’s bottom lip between his teeth, effectively stopping the conversation there and then.

—

The snow continues to fall outside for the majority of the day, and Phil ends up opening his presents to his family for them over video call and they do the same for his presents, and Dan watches from the armchair with a smile never leaving his face.

Kath calls him back over soon enough and asks the question of how and when they met, and as the two men make eye contact, realising in the same second that they got too distracted to think of a convincing cover story, Martyn pops back into frame and whispers something into his mother’s ear, which causes her to go bright red.

Martyn winks as he disappears again, and Kath flusters through the rest of the call with the promise of calling Phil later in the day, and Phil is absolutely mortified.

“On the bright side, I don’t think we have to lie anymore,” Dan says from the armchair, hiding his amused grin behind the coffee mug cradled in his hands. “For what it’s worth I think your mum took it well, if my brother did that to me, my mum would castrate me through the phone.”

“It’s still not too late to be tossed out on the street, Daniel.”

Dan shrugs. “It’s gone pretty well for me thus far, maybe wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

“Want to test that theory?”

He pretends to ponder it for a second, then shakes his head. “I’m good.”

Phil then throws a balled up piece of wrapping paper, and it bounces from Dan’s forehead into his mug. His mouth drops open, and he places his mug on the table before getting to his feet.

“I’ll give you a five second head start.”

They spend most of the afternoon talking and playing the various games Phil has laying around his flat, and fall asleep in front of the fire, wrapped in each other’s arms in the evening.

“Merry Christmas,” Dan says, half-asleep.

Instead of throwing him out, Phil nuzzles into his chest and tightens his grip on Dan’s waist.

If he’s already on the naughty list, he figures he should have as much fun as possible on the way down.

**Author's Note:**

> this is likely my last fic of 2020, i hope you enjoyed it!! just a little something i wrote inspired by Naughty List by Liam Payne and Dixie D’Amelio, here’s my contribution to the many Christmas fics :)
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and New Year, thank you for the support this year my loves!
> 
> xx
> 
> tumblr; cafephan


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